2014

I cannot tell you how much I LOVE even numbers. I feel like I have held my breath for all of 2013. Not only was it an odd number, but it was an odd number of the WORST sort. Thirteen...that number, I just really don't like it.

So, ahhhh. I can finally breath again.

I am ready for 2014. I cannot believe how much things change in one year.

Todaisy

Normally I wouldn't post a blog of this sort, but seeing as how I've been on a hiatus for almost one year I feel it is somewhat necessary.

To make a long story short, we are doing completely different things than we were originally when we moved here.  Terry is working for CBS as a production assistant (mainly cameras) for their morning show part-time and another full-time job during the day with a marketing company through The Home Depot. I work for a TV listings company, typing in what show plays at what time. Mostly it is for religious stations and old people stations...it's fun.

We live in a wonderful apartment, equipped with our washer and dryer, two rooms, and a patio.  Our complex has an amazing pool (three tiers & a hot tub) and we'll be hitting that up soon.

We go to a great church, Church at Meadow Creek, where Terry runs sound and I sing in the choir. If you live near us, you should really come visit. It will rock your world.

We have made some awesome friends since we moved here, but we still miss our friends from San Angelo.  It's hard to believe how strong of ties I made while I was there for such a short time. We see my side of the family once or twice, or a lot a month. My brother is getting married in less than two months and I almost cried when I was asked to be a bridesmaid. I love getting to see my nieces  way more than I used to, but I could go for seeing them and the rest of my family some more.

Things are crazy, but I love it. Marriage is not how I pictured it would be, but it is still way better than I imagined. To friends who live near me: let's hang out, to friends far away: I miss you!!

Times have changed

Wow, it's hard to believe I've let this lie dormant for almost a year.

I will wait to post a real post until tomorrow, so you don't think everything I write could be an April Fool's joke. Stay tuned!

"We Got It."

This week has been exciting, to say the least.

Last Saturday I found a Craigslist post (don't judge my usage of a sketchy site) for a Sports Producer position in the Radio/TV/Film section of Jobs. A few weeks ago Terry and I had pretty much given up on finding TV or radio jobs anywhere close to my family, so we decided we'd take pretty much anything to get close to them.  I had no second thought that these people might actually be legitimate and take interest into a resume, but I decided we had nothing to lose. I logged in to Terry's e-mail and sent in his resume.

Monday morning Terry get's an e-mail back saying to call this cell phone number...still sounding sketchy. This is also the point where I had to explain to Terry why someone from Craigslist was contacting him under a post titled "Sports Producer" . . .I really don't see why everyone, including my husband, has such strong reservations about this site...Moving on, Terry called the man back and answered some questions about his resume and agreed to come in for an interview four hours away in DFW in two days.  

It took me about two hours to realize that this was an interview.

It wasn't a resume.

It wasn't a stop by.

It wasn't a phone call.

It wasn't a mailed in reel.

It WAS an INTERVIEW!

We had prayed for a job for about a year in DFW and an interview is the closest we had been to one the entire time.

I didn't want to get my hopes up as I had so many times before, but this one, this time, it just seemed like the job was right. 

It was sports, it was video, it was Terry.

We looked for apartments the day prior to the interview in case the job was a done deal, and we both hoped that he'd be offered it right then and there after the interview.  

To be honest a part of my heart sank when that wasn't the case and I felt as though this was just another job, just like the rest, that weren't going to hire someone who didn't have a decade of experience and already lived the middle class lifestyle.  

At the end of Terry's interview the boss told him that he'd call his referenced on Thursday and notify him of his decision by the end of the week.

Another first, A TIME FRAME!

We went back to one of the apartments and filled out the application, still holding on to any hope that he'd be called back to be hired.

We drove back to our home.

We waited through the rest of Thursday, hoping to get a text from friends saying that they had been called by the boss, but no text.

We contacted the references and asked if they'd been called....

      they hadn't.

My heart sank even more and I tried to keep hope that this wasn't just like all the other jobs, we had faith that if God wanted to give it to us, He would. If God didn't want to give it to us we needed the faith and strength to know that God will take care of us, and provide for us.

Friday was the day, the day we assumed meant "by the end of the week," but the entire morning and part of the afternoon had past without a call. We were both on edge about it and really didn't want to have to wait through the weekend for the news, yes or no.

For a few moments we calmed down and laughed about different things but everything stopped when Terry's phone went off and the caller ID had the boss' name.

He ran to the bedroom for privacy and I ran to a notebook and wrote this down:

No: At least we can move on to another option

Maybe: At least there is still hope

Yes: Duh.

I sat there and prayed for strength and faith that God loved us and knew what great things He had planned for us, even though we might not see it at the moment.

Terry was off the phone and walked into the dining room, trying to hold back a smile...I held my composure until he kissed me and said, "We got it."

I cried, held him and repeated for the next few minutes, "Thank God, thank God, thank you God, oh God thank you," in various combinations.

The opportunity we'd been praying for for the entire last year had finally come true. God's "wait," turned into a "Yes."

Where it is.

Under a ratty roof and a dinosaurishly loud upstairs neighbor hangs two $5 frames.
Inside the frames, pressed behind the cheap plastic are two pieces of heavy paper.
On this paper are signatures, stamps, and our names.
Upon the couch in the outdated apartment sit two educated, hard working citizens.
Beneath their belts are bachelor's degrees, and Ramen.
Below their thin pocket fabric sits barely enough to survive.
Lost in this system, The American Dream.

It will all work out.

I'm not sure when I acquired this trait of showing no weakness, but I hate it.

I want to live in the present! I want that SO bad. It's the hardest task I've ever come across.

I'm always planning for way to far ahead, and worrying about things that won't even matter.

Today, I choose to live in the present.

I'm only 21 years young, I have a degree, my dream job, and the man of my dreams as my husband. I have a super sweet mom who would do anything for me that I asked, and the same goes for Terry.

I have an amazing life to enjoy, not attain. 

I'm only 21. I'm only 21. I'm only 21.

I have time, time to get a house, time to have kids, time to spend with my family.

I'm only one person, but living is so much more than the effort of one person.

Stay calm, be happy, it will all work out.

I remember.

I remember that feeling of wasted time.
I remember that feeling of hopelessness
I remember feeling,
hearing
seeing
smelling
tasting
my heart break.
Everything, gone. In an instant, gone.

All of my hopes and dreams, my aspirations, my hard work crashed on my heart.
I broke.
I broke down and cried.
I broke away and hid.
I was down to something, someone, I did not want to be stripped down to . . .myself.

Scared, alone, and regretful.

It was in that time, I lived.
Not just survived, I thrived!

I didn't "pick up the pieces."
I didn't "get back on the horse."

I just lived.

I loved, I hated, I dared, I did what I wanted, when I wanted, and how I wanted.

In the moment when I was being most me, and only me, I found me.
Only this was really the me I had never seen, whole, unbroken, happy.
One whole human.

I thought was too good to be true.
I still do, and always will.

He is more than I could ever have dreamed.